Wednesday, December 19, 2012


Kaylee has been having some issues with the new baby...issues with feelings. Feelings of not getting enough attention and all, but she's done a good job of not blaming Brynna. She's been acting almost possessed lately with random attitudes, not listening, and just not even hearing us. It's been driving me and Camille insane, and I hate to say it but we've been getting very angry at her lately. Being still young, and new to the workings of a child's brain, I've been so lost about what to do...feeling so incompetant, for the first time in my life really. I took Kaylee to the park this morning to wear her out and get her down for a regular nap time. We've been giving her extra attention as much as possible...but after this trip to the park I've realized that with everything going on, me losing my job over bullshit reasons, having the new baby, and Christmas coming up, I personally haven't been giving her the RIGHT kind of attention. My attention is always placed halfway here and halfway there, never fully on her. The park allowed me to do that. We had an absolute blast. It was cold as hell, and we were the only ones stupid enough to be out there, but it was fun. We raced to places, played in the playground, ran to the duck pond, pet a dog, got dirty in some sand, threw rocks, and just walked around. She was completely normal the whole time. We had the most fun we've had with each other in a long time. At the end she was cold and tired (she woke up at about 6:30 this morning and we couldn't get her back to sleep) So I offered to carry her the long way back to the car. I carried her like I carried her when she was a baby, and she loved every minute of it. We walked and talked and she was calmly laying her head on my shoulder the whole time. I can't remember the last time I've had such a conversation with was great. We talked about the birds singing to their little birdy wives cause they were sick or they picked a bad worm out of the ground, about why it was so cold, about everything we could think of. We went to the car and we just sat there, with her in my arms about to doze off, still talking. I started rocking her back and forth as I sat in the frame of the sliding door, and she absolutely loved it. We sat in the car in mutual silence for almost as long as we were outside playing. I reveled in the feeling of being so close to my daughter again. We bonded today more than we have since she was a baby. My back hurt like hell holding her laying across my arms for so long, but I didn't care at all...I didn't want to ruin the moment. As I sat there rocking her, with her not even going to sleep, just laying on me and being silent, I started to cry(I'm starting up again just writing this)...first time I've cried in I don't know how long. I haven't been giving my daughter the full attention she needs, and I hate myself for it. I cried for a good ten minutes, just thinking about how much I loved her, and how much I haven't been showing it in the past year or two. I've been caught up in work, house chores, money, buying things, trying to keep my family "happy"...when today I've realized that happiness comes from love. Kaylee fell asleep in my arms and we headed home. I could tell how happy Kaylee was the whole time. And when she woke up after I put her in the car seat (she's back asleep now) she said "I can't wait to see mommy", even though me and Camille have been getting very angry at her lately. So innocent and pure...What me and Kaylee shared today opened up my heart again, and reminded me of the love I have for her, and this whole family. I'm glad I lost my job. I would have continued to not see what was wrong this whole time...

Sorry this was so long...I just needed to share what happened today. I doubt many people will read this, but the people that do, and that have kids, especially a new one with a toddler, love them like you've never loved them before, because they need it twice as much with the new little one around.


  1. I think there's always a reason for everything, even losing your job.

    And I think you're a great dad. I KNOW you're a great dad. You don't give yourself enough credit.

  2. You are the best father . (My husbendis also the best :-))
    Good lock! Love is The most importent. You family have it